TRUE SPEAK

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Nov 21
Today, I decided to close my OKCupid account.  Why?  First, let’s look at the numbers (I’m a geek, I know): Number of days account was active: 68Number of days since revealing photo of self: 28Number of messages received total: 126Number of messages I responded to: 5 (this puts me in the “replies very selectively” category)Number of people on OKCupid I actually knew personally (awkward!): 3Number of encounters that advanced to actual meet-ups: 2Number of messages received from a woman: 1Number of potentials: 0The last one is probably the most important metric.  In theory, I think online dating is great (wrote a post about it before) — it allows you to easily learn a thing or two about people and determine if they’re a good match with very little work.  But that’s in theory.  Oftentimes, I find myself overly critical about small things right off the bat. The fact that I only found the incentive to reply to five people out of 126 (which amounts to 3%), shows that either 1.  I seem to attract the wrong men or 2. I’m too busy (or lazy) to maximize my experience or 3.  I am really not into it.  The truth is, it’s probably a little bit of all three.That said, to round up the experience, I wanted to give 1.  a few pointers for men who are either into online dating or are considering in joining and 2. share what I actually learned about myself along the way: Tips for all you aspiring online daters: 1.  Do not, under any circumstance, put up a picture you took of yourself with your cell phone in front of the bathroom.  Major turn off.2.  Actually take the time to read a woman’s profile and don’t just send a canned message.  “Hi, I think you’re cute.  Can we meet up for dinner?” — REALLY?!  Dinner already before you even get a reply?! Slow your roll — why not start with reading our profiles first and commenting on at least, our preference in music? Or something?3.  Send ONE message and if she doesn’t reply, chances are she’s not interested.  Don’t be creepy and send five in hopes that she’ll eventually change her mind.  Oh you know, after you’ve shown her you have stalker tendencies.4.  Check your spelling before hitting send.  First impression is critical and if you can’t get the simple tasks right, it speaks volumes about your character.5.  Take the time to fill out your profiles and show off your awesomeness.  Don’t be afraid to be creative, witty and most importantly, original.  This is one easy way to score a girl’s attention.  If you sound boring on your description, chances are, we’ll think you’re boring as a person as well.   And now, on to what I learned about myself:I don’t know a single thing about dating!  As a matter of fact, I’m terrible at it!  I found myself over thinking the whole process, hence not allowing myself to simply have fun with it.  There’s definitely room for more practice but in fairness, I’ve been in relationships nearly all of my adult life so I’m naturally very clueless (compared to the average single woman, anyway). Having many things in common doesn’t necessarily translate into an instant connection. I met someone that actually matched up a lot against my checklist.  To be fair, the fact that he even met more than half on the list is already quite impressive (what can I say it’s long.)  I obsessed over it — almost forcing myself to like him because I was so certain “it was a sign.”  The reality is, if you have to try to convince yourself you like someone, he’s probably not the one.  Great guy — just not for me.  I’m actually quite happy being single.  I think I’ve always known this but after two meet ups (they were both very nice, may God bless their souls), I somehow felt more aware of how awesome it is to be single.  I don’t say this necessarily in the sense of being available in the market, but more so that the time that I’ve had alone has enabled me to grow as a person and enjoy friends and family I seem to have been too busy for in the past.  Somehow, the world makes you feel that there’s something wrong with you if you’re single, particularly when you hit my age. Not true at all.  As a matter of fact, it’s given me time to pursue some of my passions and even helped me discover some new ones along the way.  As for what’s next? I’m turning 33 yrs. old in a couple of weeks.  That thought is no longer a daunting one.  For the first time since I hit the big 3-0, I’m quite excited about it.  As a matter of fact, I’m kicking off another fabulous birth year with an all girls’ NYC trip to celebrate the occasion.  I no longer feel the need to “settle down” right this very minute — a self-imposed pressure I have put on myself in the last few years.  I’d rather end up with the right guy than be with the wrong one because I keep worrying about my biological clock. The reality is with today’s technological advances, I actually have time.  So I’m putting this task in the hands of God — when God knows I’m ready for him, I know He will gently place that man in front of me. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy this fabulous life that He has blessed me with — sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. As a last note, I’m proud that I was able to step out of my comfort zone and go on this adventure.  People who know me well would attest that this idea lived outside my usual boundaries.  Healthy risk taking is something I’m working on quite fervently these days.  Fear is a debilitating force that deters us from experiencing life outside of what’s already familiar.  At best, it’s teaching me that there’s nothing to worry about after all.Now back to the grind.  Onward.


Today, I decided to close my OKCupid account.  

Why?  First, let’s look at the numbers (I’m a geek, I know):

Number of days account was active: 68
Number of days since revealing photo of self: 28
Number of messages received total: 126
Number of messages I responded to: 5 (this puts me in the “replies very selectively” category)
Number of people on OKCupid I actually knew personally (awkward!): 3
Number of encounters that advanced to actual meet-ups: 2
Number of messages received from a woman: 1
Number of potentials: 0

The last one is probably the most important metric.  In theory, I think online dating is great (wrote a post about it before) — it allows you to easily learn a thing or two about people and determine if they’re a good match with very little work.  But that’s in theory.  Oftentimes, I find myself overly critical about small things right off the bat. The fact that I only found the incentive to reply to five people out of 126 (which amounts to 3%), shows that either 1.  I seem to attract the wrong men or 2. I’m too busy (or lazy) to maximize my experience or 3.  I am really not into it.  The truth is, it’s probably a little bit of all three.

That said, to round up the experience, I wanted to give 1.  a few pointers for men who are either into online dating or are considering in joining and 2. share what I actually learned about myself along the way:

Tips for all you aspiring online daters:

1.  Do not, under any circumstance, put up a picture you took of yourself with your cell phone in front of the bathroom.  Major turn off.
2.  Actually take the time to read a woman’s profile and don’t just send a canned message.  “Hi, I think you’re cute.  Can we meet up for dinner?” — REALLY?!  Dinner already before you even get a reply?! Slow your roll — why not start with reading our profiles first and commenting on at least, our preference in music? Or something?
3.  Send ONE message and if she doesn’t reply, chances are she’s not interested.  Don’t be creepy and send five in hopes that she’ll eventually change her mind.  Oh you know, after you’ve shown her you have stalker tendencies.
4.  Check your spelling before hitting send.  First impression is critical and if you can’t get the simple tasks right, it speaks volumes about your character.
5.  Take the time to fill out your profiles and show off your awesomeness.  Don’t be afraid to be creative, witty and most importantly, original.  This is one easy way to score a girl’s attention.  If you sound boring on your description, chances are, we’ll think you’re boring as a person as well.  

And now, on to what I learned about myself:

I don’t know a single thing about dating!  As a matter of fact, I’m terrible at it!  I found myself over thinking the whole process, hence not allowing myself to simply have fun with it.  There’s definitely room for more practice but in fairness, I’ve been in relationships nearly all of my adult life so I’m naturally very clueless (compared to the average single woman, anyway).

Having many things in common doesn’t necessarily translate into an instant connection. I met someone that actually matched up a lot against my checklist.  To be fair, the fact that he even met more than half on the list is already quite impressive (what can I say it’s long.)  I obsessed over it — almost forcing myself to like him because I was so certain “it was a sign.”  The reality is, if you have to try to convince yourself you like someone, he’s probably not the one.  Great guy — just not for me.
 
I’m actually quite happy being single.  I think I’ve always known this but after two meet ups (they were both very nice, may God bless their souls), I somehow felt more aware of how awesome it is to be single.  I don’t say this necessarily in the sense of being available in the market, but more so that the time that I’ve had alone has enabled me to grow as a person and enjoy friends and family I seem to have been too busy for in the past.  Somehow, the world makes you feel that there’s something wrong with you if you’re single, particularly when you hit my age. Not true at all.  As a matter of fact, it’s given me time to pursue some of my passions and even helped me discover some new ones along the way.  

As for what’s next?

I’m turning 33 yrs. old in a couple of weeks.  That thought is no longer a daunting one.  For the first time since I hit the big 3-0, I’m quite excited about it.  As a matter of fact, I’m kicking off another fabulous birth year with an all girls’ NYC trip to celebrate the occasion.  I no longer feel the need to “settle down” right this very minute — a self-imposed pressure I have put on myself in the last few years.  I’d rather end up with the right guy than be with the wrong one because I keep worrying about my biological clock. The reality is with today’s technological advances, I actually have time.  So I’m putting this task in the hands of God — when God knows I’m ready for him, I know He will gently place that man in front of me. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy this fabulous life that He has blessed me with — sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

As a last note, I’m proud that I was able to step out of my comfort zone and go on this adventure.  People who know me well would attest that this idea lived outside my usual boundaries.  Healthy risk taking is something I’m working on quite fervently these days.  Fear is a debilitating force that deters us from experiencing life outside of what’s already familiar.  At best, it’s teaching me that there’s nothing to worry about after all.

Now back to the grind.  Onward.

Posted 5 months ago

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