TRUE SPEAK

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Jan 12
The Cat and Mouse Game He looks at her from across the room.  She turns away.  She notices that he too does the same.  She slyly peeks back at him from a peripheral angle only to catch him staring at her.  She smiles on the inside but doesn’t show it in her face.  After all, it’s against the rules to show too much interest — especially in the beginning.  She begins to walk his direction.  Luckily the ladies room is just right behind him.  As she sways her hips to show off her sexy stride, she looks up to quickly gaze at him, he is of course, looking at her too, she gives him a hint of a smile.  No, not a big one.  Just enough to give him the green signal to approach.  He takes the bait and after fifteen minutes of showing genuine interest of knowing her more, he asks for her digits.  She teases him a bit and makes him work for it while knowing all too well, she has every bit of intention to give it to him.  And she does. Of course.  She heads home that evening grinning from ear to ear…but only in the privacy of her car.  She pats herself on the back for being able to keep her cool.  She was even the one who ended the conversation even though she could have spent the entire evening staring into his beautiful brown eyes while chatting it up about nothing and everything. She played it just right.  As she slipped into her unconsciousness, she remembers his gorgeous eyes and knew she was hooked.  She couldn’t wait to hear his voice again. Rewind. He scans his surroundings and looks for the cutest girl in the room.  Oooh, jackpot — a hot chick standing at 3 o’clock. He observes her from afar until she finally notices he’s peeping her out but then, of course, quickly looks away.  Awesome. She’s one of those girls.  If she looks at me again, that means it’s OK to go for the kill.  A few minutes later, she starts walking his direction.  Oooh, that walk is kinda sexy.  That’s definitely for me.  If you look at me and smile — yeah baby, you’re all mine. As she gets closer to where he is situated in the room, she looks up just a touch, and gives him a slight grin.  I like how this girl plays her cards. I’m going for it.He walks over and introduces himself.  Uh huh, uh huh. I like that top she’s wearing. It definitely accentuates her package.  Don’t sound like a douchebag, ask intelligent questions. He pays her just the right amount of compliments — but not too many! Women don’t like nice guys.  In fact, it’s against the rules to show too much interest — especially in the beginning.  He notices that 15 min. had passed and it’s time to move on.  Luckily, he didn’t have to end the conversation himself — she took the initiative. How convenient.  Yes!  One fish caught. Who’s next?Sound familiar?In those two perspectives — one from female and the other male — what’s the one thing they have in common (I bolded it just in case you missed it)?  Dating is such a complicated, screwed up process.  A little tugging here.  A bit of pulling there.  I had a friend tell me recently that he’s given up on dating.  Good guy.  Well-accomplished.  Intelligent.  Shouldn’t have a problem bagging a nice girl, right? Wrong. How so?  According to him, he’s too nice.At one point, I too penalized men for being too nice.  As a matter of fact, I dated someone in the past who was a pretty darn good catch (my friends and family still give me crap for it to this day!).  Back then, I didn’t give him a fair shake because in some twisted way, I never genuinely appreciated how good he was to me.  I knew he loved me a lot  but to his mistake (perhaps, more like mine), he simply didn’t make me work for it.  I took him for granted and I was not shy about expressing it — I was borderline mean (ok, I was really mean). Years later, I pondered about it a lot.  But then I finally came to the [sad] conclusion that he probably really loved me the way he did only because he never felt like he ever fully had me.  So it makes me question, would the dynamic of our relationship been the same if say, I gave him the love he so yearned?  Would he have loved me the same?  Or was it just another case of the cat and mouse game? It doesn’t matter all that much today since it’s in the past. But I’ve certainly learned from it.  Now that I’m older and wiser, my standards for men have shifted…a lot. When I was younger (and immature), I put a lot of weight on attributes that were superficial and surface-level.  Sometimes, it didn’t matter if they were nice.  If they made for an awesome arm candy and the paper looked fancy, I was able to look past their flaws. My guy friend told me he plans to go back to his old mean self again so he can attract more women, and hopefully find the right one along the way.  I strongly advised him against that tactic.You see, when all is said and done, I expressed to him that he’ll want a woman who will want him for HIM.  Keeping up the facade and pretending to be someone he’s not — worst a mean person —  is taxing.  Tiring.  At some point, his true self — the kind and gentle part of him — will shine, and he’ll want a woman who will embrace, love and cherish that side of him.Too many people out there marry for all the wrong reasons. Looks are temporary.  Money can come and go.  Fame never lasts.  The challenge will fade.  But your heart and soul? Those remain in each of us forever.  My future husband may not end up looking like an Abercrombie model , having lots of dough in the bank or standing in the limelight…but one thing I’ll make certain of, is that he better be nice. —- “He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

The Cat and Mouse Game


He looks at her from across the room.  She turns away.  She notices that he too does the same.  She slyly peeks back at him from a peripheral angle only to catch him staring at her.  She smiles on the inside but doesn’t show it in her face.  After all, it’s against the rules to show too much interest — especially in the beginning.  She begins to walk his direction.  Luckily the ladies room is just right behind him.  As she sways her hips to show off her sexy stride, she looks up to quickly gaze at him, he is of course, looking at her too, she gives him a hint of a smile.  No, not a big one.  Just enough to give him the green signal to approach.  

He takes the bait and after fifteen minutes of showing genuine interest of knowing her more, he asks for her digits.  She teases him a bit and makes him work for it while knowing all too well, she has every bit of intention to give it to him.  And she does. Of course.  She heads home that evening grinning from ear to ear…but only in the privacy of her car.  She pats herself on the back for being able to keep her cool.  She was even the one who ended the conversation even though she could have spent the entire evening staring into his beautiful brown eyes while chatting it up about nothing and everything. She played it just right.  As she slipped into her unconsciousness, she remembers his gorgeous eyes and knew she was hooked.  She couldn’t wait to hear his voice again.

Rewind.

He scans his surroundings and looks for the cutest girl in the room.  Oooh, jackpot — a hot chick standing at 3 o’clock. He observes her from afar until she finally notices he’s peeping her out but then, of course, quickly looks away.  Awesome. She’s one of those girls.  If she looks at me again, that means it’s OK to go for the kill.  A few minutes later, she starts walking his direction.  Oooh, that walk is kinda sexy.  That’s definitely for me.  If you look at me and smile — yeah baby, you’re all mine. As she gets closer to where he is situated in the room, she looks up just a touch, and gives him a slight grin.  I like how this girl plays her cards. I’m going for it.

He walks over and introduces himself.  Uh huh, uh huh. I like that top she’s wearing. It definitely accentuates her package.  Don’t sound like a douchebag, ask intelligent questions. He pays her just the right amount of compliments — but not too many! Women don’t like nice guys.  In fact, it’s against the rules to show too much interest — especially in the beginning.  He notices that 15 min. had passed and it’s time to move on.  Luckily, he didn’t have to end the conversation himself — she took the initiative. How convenient.  Yes!  One fish caught. Who’s next?

Sound familiar?

In those two perspectives — one from female and the other male — what’s the one thing they have in common (I bolded it just in case you missed it)?  

Dating is such a complicated, screwed up process.  A little tugging here.  A bit of pulling there.  I had a friend tell me recently that he’s given up on dating.  Good guy.  Well-accomplished.  Intelligent.  Shouldn’t have a problem bagging a nice girl, right? Wrong. How so?  According to him, he’s too nice.

At one point, I too penalized men for being too nice.  As a matter of fact, I dated someone in the past who was a pretty darn good catch (my friends and family still give me crap for it to this day!).  Back then, I didn’t give him a fair shake because in some twisted way, I never genuinely appreciated how good he was to me.  I knew he loved me a lot  but to his mistake (perhaps, more like mine), he simply didn’t make me work for it.  I took him for granted and I was not shy about expressing it — I was borderline mean (ok, I was really mean). Years later, I pondered about it a lot.  But then I finally came to the [sad] conclusion that he probably really loved me the way he did only because he never felt like he ever fully had me.  So it makes me question, would the dynamic of our relationship been the same if say, I gave him the love he so yearned?  Would he have loved me the same?  Or was it just another case of the cat and mouse game?

It doesn’t matter all that much today since it’s in the past. But I’ve certainly learned from it.  Now that I’m older and wiser, my standards for men have shifted…a lot. When I was younger (and immature), I put a lot of weight on attributes that were superficial and surface-level.  Sometimes, it didn’t matter if they were nice.  If they made for an awesome arm candy and the paper looked fancy, I was able to look past their flaws.

My guy friend told me he plans to go back to his old mean self again so he can attract more women, and hopefully find the right one along the way.  I strongly advised him against that tactic.

You see, when all is said and done, I expressed to him that he’ll want a woman who will want him for HIM.  Keeping up the facade and pretending to be someone he’s not — worst a mean person —  is taxing.  Tiring.  At some point, his true self — the kind and gentle part of him — will shine, and he’ll want a woman who will embrace, love and cherish that side of him.

Too many people out there marry for all the wrong reasons. Looks are temporary.  Money can come and go.  Fame never lasts.  The challenge will fade.  But your heart and soul? Those remain in each of us forever.  

My future husband may not end up looking like an Abercrombie model , having lots of dough in the bank or standing in the limelight…but one thing I’ll make certain of, is that he better be nice.

—-

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”
― Bob Marley

Posted 4 months ago